I want to forget the faces.
I want to stop caring, because I'll be betrayed.
I can't trust friends. Can't trust the people I love.
Terror.

Thanks to you, I'm afraid of losing status. Thanks to you, I'm afraid of all these people. I feel as if everyone walking around me thinks something horrible of me. I feel accused, I feel like a salem witch.

And still, there are tiny seeds of love in that place.
Am I strong enough?
I don't want to suffer, when there's so much hate surrounding me, but I want to hold those tiny seeds of love.
Those bits of kindred, the one or two people whom I know I can trust. Those ones who know there's more than a kiss in the dark.
There's more than my body.
I am not a girl, I am a woman.
Be strong, woman. That's what I want to say to them.

Somebody stole from costuming. Was I blamed? I wanted to 'get in' with the woman working in costuming, I liked her a lot... Now, I feel ruined. She won't like me, now, will she? But I didn't do it. I didn't do it, but I feel like they're going to think it's my fault anyway.
They always seem to blame me, when I'm there. Where is the love? Where is the love?

Every time I move I've made a mistake, there.
Perhaps if I wait a bit, and come back later.


They all look away from my face too quickly.





They turn their backs so easily.



Jack is blind. He doesn't understand that not everybody is treated the way he's treated. He doesn't understand much of anything.
But he thinks he knows it all.
That's what pisses me off.
Ignorant, pompous ass. That's what I wanted to scream at him.
You were not the victimm.




I'm just a girl trying to find someone who loves me. I'm human, I have needs, I have feelings, I have a heart.

They all judge me so quickly because they were hoping I was going to choose them.
When I didn't choose them, I became a slut for choosing someone at all.
Fine. I am a slut.
And a bitch, and a whore. Call me that to my face.
I heard them judging my character, I'm not deaf. I'm not blind, I'm not stupid.
I know it.
Call me a slut to my face, and I'll take it and swallow it into my heart. Do it, I dare you. I'm not scared of anything but thinking you were really interested in friendship.
The only thing I'm afraid of is being let down.
Being betrayed.
Since I know they have no respect for me, I am not afraid of them. If I know they hate me, I can walk away easily.
But if one of them still cares about me, it's like a rubber tie around my ankle, continuing to drag me back.


I refuse to go to Fall Game.

You'd be lying if you said you wanted me to go
(unless your name is Mary or Kate)
(... Or Jack, but he'd want me to go for his own confused and nonsensical reasons.)


I want to say I'm never coming back.
But there are people I can trust there.
I've just got to stop being terrified, I've got to know that I'm not going to hear that conversation in the dark ever again.
Got to know that if something happens, and it's not my fault, you aren't going to blame me.
I can trust hardly anyone with that.


Hey, I'm adopted. I have trust issues.
I have a lot of trust issues.

Prove to me that I can trust you, and I will.
Betray my trust, and you'll never see me again.



I'm good at running away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joined